Soap is not a condiment
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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