Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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