Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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