I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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