This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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