grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
