OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
