At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
