He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
