in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
