u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
