I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
