In the future we'll all be gay
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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