we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
worst night to have a conscience
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
