I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
