Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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