i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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