I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
