first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We need to rekindle our bromance
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
