Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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