So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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