i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
