Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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