You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
