I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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