How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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