He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
