I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
