so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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