Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
