How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
