In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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