omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
