I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will be naked everywhere
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
