I hate all girls vehemently.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
