kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my shit smells like andre
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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