I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
