I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
