just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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