Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
