i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
