in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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