Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I looked at my own cervix.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
