dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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