why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
