I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
