I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
