At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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