Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
