last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
